The Nights Were Young Read online

  She laughed and closed the door. “Goodnight, Travis.”

  A toothy grin was on his face as she shouted back to her, “Night, pretty girl!”

  Marie turned and started walking – he would have sat there with that grin as long as she was standing there.

  He drove away a few seconds later, and she heard him howling out his window as he raced out of the neighborhood.

  **********

  Marie’s mother was making breakfast the next morning; her father had already left for work, as usual, and Marie pranced down into the kitchen. She glowed when she kissed her mother on the cheek and said, “Good morning.”

  “You’re in a good mood,” her mother said. “You’re not on drugs are you?”

  Marie froze and for a moment she questioned if she still smelt like weed.

  “I’m kidding, Marie,” her mother said.

  “Oh, good one,” Marie said, forcing herself to laugh.

  Marie took her eggs to the table. She started eating, and for the first time, without thinking of how much weight breakfast would add to her.

  Her mother sat down next to her with coffee. “So why are you so happy today?”

  “I guess I’m just in a good mood, that’s all.”

  “I sent out your applications.”

  “Oh good.” Marie couldn’t have cared less about them.

  Her mother waited for a response, staring at Marie, but Marie just kept eating, and an awkward silence fell between them.

  “Aren’t you excited?” her mother asked.

  “Oh yeah, sure.”

  Her mother eyed her and sipped slowly from her coffee.

  “A thank you would be nice,” her mother said.

  Marie stopped eating and looked up, and she quietly said, “Thank you.”

  They held eye contact for a moment, and her mother did not smile at her, but seemed to be studying her, thinking something but not saying anything.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  Her mother looked away from her, and for a moment she gazed into the empty space of the kitchen.

  “Nothing,” her mother said. “Nothing.”

  Her mother stood and walked away into the living room. This happened sometimes. Her mother would just become silent, seemingly angry. It always happened when Marie didn’t act excited enough about something, usually something that her mother was more enthusiastic about. Maybe it was a lack of connection between them, and it was apparent during those times when Marie displayed her apathy towards what her mother cared about.

  Marie looked around, and then stared at her eggs, and suddenly she didn’t feel hungry anymore, but that she had already eaten too much. She pushed the plate away from her, and she wished she had woken up with Travis, even if just in his truck, instead of the silence she now sat in.

  **********

  Travis was sitting at his usual table with his friends at lunch. Marie was with Kate and Joey, and Joey was mostly silent except for when Kate asked a question every so often. Marie was distracted from them; her attention was on Travis. She would catch him looking at her, and then he would smile and lose track of the conversation around him. She would smile back, then her eyes would look down, then they would look back up to catch his gaze again. He winked at her – she turned red.

  Kate caught what was happening and groaned. “Oh God… you two are so stupid.”

  “What?” Marie asked. “What are you talking about?”

  “You and your love puppy over there. It’s almost embarrassing honestly. You aren’t in first grade.”

  “Whatever,” Marie said, and she turned her attention to the homework assignment in front of her, which should have been done the night before.

  “You’re totally horny for him,” Kate said.

  “I am not,” Marie said. She was laughing in embarrassment and pulling at her pony tail.

  “That pretty much confirms it. Don’t you think?” she asked Joey.

  He nodded obediently.

  “Whatever,” Marie said. She looked back at Travis, who looked at her. They couldn’t help themselves.

  **********

  That night, Travis waited for her in his truck at the end of the driveway under the moonlight. While the rest of the neighborhood slept, Marie ran to him, and together they drove away.

  They reached the dock, and Travis was already swigging from his water bottle full of liquor.

  She had intended earlier to take the evening slow like it had gone the night before.

  “So how was your afternoon?” Travis asked. He almost reached across her to the glove compartment.

  Instead, she climbed onto his lap, pulled his face to hers, and kissed him. In that moment she forgot all of it, all of the shit that brought her down. It was just him, and he thought she was beautiful. When she was with him, she could believe that about herself, that she was beautiful. Everything about her that seemed so different and so wrong in any other place, was how it was meant to be, perfectly, and she was what she was meant to be… when she was with him.

  She pulled away, and their lips separated slowly.

  “Damn,” he whispered.

  They continued, his lips moved down her neck and along her collar bone. His hands moved up from her hips, and she stopped him before he reached her chest.

  “Not yet,” she whispered.

  “Okay.” He returned his grip to her hips.

  Her days became nothing of routine. Homework became a thing to handle during lunch or during other classes where she should have been taking notes. Sleep became a thing to catch up on in the afternoon. Her mother’s constant overbearing became a thing that was easier to endure.

  Marie was meeting Travis often in his truck those nights, and they would sit at the dock for hours. Sometimes they would talk most of the night, and other times there was hardly any speaking, only physical expression of their affections. Some nights Travis would bring weed, and most nights he just brought booze. Some nights Marie would drink with him or smoke a joint. Some days, in school, he would convince her to sneak out of class and join him in the band hall that he knew how to break into. Some days they would spend a couple of hours together after school in the parking lot. Before long Travis knew Marie’s favorite things, like her favorite color and her favorite song and her favorite flower. Marie knew stories of Travis, like how he had broken his arm when he was four falling out of a tree he couldn’t climb. Travis knew Marie’s worst fear, to perform in front of an audience. Marie knew that Travis was deeply embarrassed about wetting the bed until he was five.

  They never went to each other’s homes. Travis did not want Marie at his home, where he also did not want to be. Marie did not want Travis to face her mother’s judgments. Their relationship was out of sight. Travis told little to his friends about what they did, only that they hung out. Kate knew that they messed around, but Marie did not confess the extent to which the messing around was happening. It was their secret, some sort of safe, hidden, passionate place that they escaped to.

  Marie would find herself singing softly at night while strumming some chords on her guitar. The music in her was awake in a way she’d never felt it before, and she heard it when she thought of him - and when he was around.

  She peered out through the window in her bedroom, and over the lake. There was only a slit of the moon, but the stars made up for its light. Marie could see everything, even some untouched land beyond the houses of Crossfalls Estates.

  Her cellphone rang.

  It was TROUBLE.

  “Hey stranger,” she said.

  “Hey pretty girl,” he said softly. “I uh, I just wanted to call and say goodnight.”

  Marie bit her lip, and her hand unconsciously tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “Aw you’re so sweet.”

  “Yeah, yeah don’t tell anyone.”

  She laughed.

  “Marie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Alright.”

  H
e took a nervous breath and asked, “What are we, exactly?”

  “What do you mean?” she said.

  “Like, are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or what?”

  She lay down in her bed. “I don’t know.”

  He breathed out heavily, like he had been holding it until she answered.

  “Yeah, me neither,” he said.

  She lay still, waiting for him to talk.

  “I like being with you, Marie,” he said. “So whatever this is, I don’t want it to change.”

  She moved onto her side and brought her feet up. “I don’t want it to change, either,” she said softly.

  He breathed out again. “Good. So, I guess I should let you go to sleep.”

  She was quiet, and she did not want him to say goodbye, and so she didn’t say a word back to him.

  “Marie?” she heard him ask. “Marie?”

  XIII

  “Marie?”

  It was her father outside the locked bedroom door.

  She whirled around and caught herself before she fell down on the closet floor. The whiskey bottle was nearly a fourth gone now; she hid it behind some clothes and used the wall to steady herself as she walked to the door and opened it.

  Her father seemed happy. His lips and eyebrows lowered when he saw her. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah I’m good,” she answered, barely able to focus on one thing. There were two blurry visions of her father standing in front of her.

  He studied her for a moment, but his expression lightened and he must have let his thoughts slide as he sipped on a margarita.

  “Well, good then. Come on honey. James is about to make his speech.”

  Her father led her out among the crowd gathered in the living room. James was standing next to her mother, and people were looking on at him as if he was their leader.

  “Ah, here she is!” James said. “My beautiful soon-to-be wife!” He wrapped his hand around her waist. She stood as still as she could, smiling, fighting not to let her head drop down or stare at someone for too long or be too obvious when blinking hard and fast to keep her eyes open. The faces blurred together. Her stomach was churning.

  “I want to thank everyone here tonight for all of your support,” James said. “It’s great to have so many friends. I know that Marie and I are going to have a very successful future together and-”

  Marie’s knee gave out for a moment. She stumbled, only slightly, but it was enough to make James tighten his grip on her and stop his speech. He chuckled for the audience.

  They laughed uneasily.

  “You okay, honey?” he asked Marie loudly – like a performance for everyone.

  Marie nodded and smiled. “Damn heels,” she said cheerfully.

  They laughed again.

  James laughed too, though his eyes, when he looked at Marie, were glaring.

  “I know that I’m really going to enjoy and excel in my new position. It’s going to be a great life – for me and Marie, and we’re ready to live every moment of it. Thank you.” He rushed the last part.

  The crowd applauded. He probably had more to say, but he wouldn’t continue on with it as long as Marie was standing next to him, or at least barely standing up straight next to him.

  Marie noticed her mother’s searing glance at her before her eyesight darted to someone else that was walking by. Before she knew it James was leading her carefully around the furniture and the people. His grip was strong on her hip and on her forearm; she was a child in trouble. He brought her to the couch and sat her down.

  “I told you to stop drinking,” he whispered. His face was inches from hers.

  Marie caught a glimpse of a few people sneaking looks at her and covering their mouths when they whispered in each other’s ears.

  “What’s wrong, honey? I did what I wanted to do for once?” Marie asked him.

  She lost focus when her head began swirling. She put her hand to her temple. Her eye lids fluttered a little as James spoke more.

  He spoke low, “You’re not acting like any wife I’d like to have.”

  “Well sorry if I’m just trying to enjoy your big night!” she slurred loudly.

  His hand whipped up and nearly slapped against her to cover her mouth, but he stopped himself just before it touched her. He pointed at her, and he opened his mouth to say something. But nothing came out, and he gave up on her. He walked away, disappearing among the unfamiliar faces.

  Marie rolled her eyes and used the arm of the couch to stand up. On her way she could make out more stares and inquisitive expressions from strangers; she poured past them and stumbled out onto the porch. She was alone; not even the bartender was there. There was a half-full pack of cigarettes left on one of the patio chairs. She stole one, and the lighter next to the pack; then she traveled off the porch and around the side of the house, where no one else would come around.

  XIV

  It was another night, seven years ago in Crossfalls. Marie exhaled slowly. The smoke drifted from her lips and out into the cold night air. Travis smoked his own cigarette next to her. They lay on the hood of his truck, at the dock, under a cloudy night sky.

  “I can’t wait to get out of this town,” Travis said.

  “Where are you going to go?” Marie asked. “I thought you were working here after you graduated.”

  “Yeah but that’s just to save money. Once I have enough money I’m gonna get outta here.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Live,” he answered with certainty.

  “Ha. Good answer,” Marie said, rolling her eyes.

  “It’s an honest answer. There are too many people here that are afraid to take that chance and just leave.”

  “But you’re going to take that chance?” Marie asked.

  “I know I am. When the time comes I’m going to get out of here and have a damn good life. I’ll have a wife and kids, and a good house somewhere, and I’ll be the father that the man who helped create me never was. I’m gonna name my kids Roland or Ryan or something with an ‘r’.”

  “An ‘r’?” Marie asked.

  “Yeah, I like ‘r’ names. Don’t you?”

  “No, I like ‘L’ names. Like Lauren or Lily.”

  He brought his water bottle, half-full of rum this time, to his lips and swigged.

  “Well I might consider an ‘L’ name,” he said, and he winked at her. “Either way, I’m gonna live a good life.”

  Marie threw her cigarette onto the pavement.

  “What are you gonna do when you get out?” he asked.

  “I don’t know.” Marie had never thought too far forward. “Go to college, and then get a job I guess.”

  Travis laughed. “No family? No house somewhere?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll plan it all out later.” She felt she was lying; she would never plan anything out. It’d be planned for her.

  “Okay.” He left it alone. “Can I ask you something, without you getting mad?”

  “Go for it.”

  “Why haven’t you asked if we’re boyfriend or girlfriend yet?”

  Marie burst out in laughter, so much that she sat up.

  Travis sat up. “What’s so funny?”

  “Why haven’t I asked if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend? Really?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Is it strange that I haven’t?” she asked.

  He shrugged and muttered, “A little bit.”

  “Why?”

  Travis threw his cigarette butt where Marie had thrown hers. The flame died quick.

  “I don’t know. I figured most girls would have tried to like – tie me down or something by now. I mean we’ve been messing around for weeks now and you haven’t… done anything…”

  “What the hell does that mean? Most girls? Should I be nagging you or something or checking where you are all the time?”

  “Whatever. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Why does it bother you?”

  “It does
n’t,” he groaned.

  “If it didn’t bother you then you wouldn’t be talking about it.”

  “Just leave it alone.”

  “No. Why do you compare me to the other girls you’ve been with?” she asked.

  “Marie, please.”

  “Why is it that just because I have a vagina I should be bugging you about tying you down by making you my boyfriend? Is there some sort of plan that everyone’s following, a schedule that we should be on?”

  “Geez, it’s not that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “Maybe I want to be your boyfriend,” he said, the words spewing out of him.

  A silence followed.

  “What?” Marie asked quietly.

  Travis groaned and lay back down. “Nothing.”

  She tightened her jacket and searched for words. “You – you want to be my--”

  “Just forget I said anything.” He put his hand over his face and sighed.

  She pulled on her hair and looked at the pavement. “Travis, it’s… complicated.”

  He said nothing.

  “There’s just a lot that doesn’t make sense to me right now, and I know that we don’t make sense.”

  “Is it your parents?” he asked.

  Immediately she looked up. “Kind of.”

  He sighed. “You know it’s your life right? Not theirs. Not anyone else’s.”

  “It’s not that easy, Travis.”

  “Why can’t it be?”

  “You don’t know what it’s like, Travis, having someone trying to control you all the time and thinking you’re terrible when you screw up.”

  His posture straightened and his voice became stern. “So I’m your screw up?”

  “Oh come on. I didn’t even say that.”

  He got off the hood and lit another cigarette. He took a giant swig from his half-empty bottle.

  “Travis, please. Don’t get like that.”

  He paced around. After a few drags more, he paused and looked at her, staring and squinting.

  “You’re a spoiled brat,” he said sternly.

  Marie’s neck straightened and her jaw dropped. “And you’re not as bad-ass as you like to act!”